I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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