my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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