moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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