I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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