rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
