wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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