Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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