Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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