i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
