I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
