take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
