I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im on a boat
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