I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
