True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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