please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did i walk over a car last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
