I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
