was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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