I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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