Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
