So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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