Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
