Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
