he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
