Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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