Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize