planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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