I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize