I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
