i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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