Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
