how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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