Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
