I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
