She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came so hard my ears popped.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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