I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have fence marks all over my body
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
