Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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