you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
