Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
