I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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