let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
