I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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