shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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