I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
