I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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