You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
