Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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