I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
high people should be assigned attendants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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