I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
