I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
