so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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