He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
