I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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