it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just pee around me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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