god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
