I puked a lego.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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