dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
