I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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