apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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