What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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