shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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