Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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