i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
