She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
