Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
